Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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