Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
