hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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