Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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