Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
