don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
