3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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