Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
