We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
