dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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