Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
