You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
