every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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