Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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