If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I came so hard my ears popped.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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