I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
