you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
