thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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