I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
