I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
