I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
