the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
