i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
