i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
