break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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