Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
