My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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