dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
