is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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