It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
