We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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