see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
