UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
