I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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