One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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