wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
bring money and cleavage
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
