I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
