Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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