1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
