I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
