I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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