I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
it glows. i had to have it.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
