No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
