i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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