Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
