He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
