my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
