mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
