I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
