Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
