as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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