You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
