i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
