This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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